I did an echo on a woman today whose daughter just passed away this past October, one week before she was to celebrate her 5th birthday. It took everything in me to not let the tears fall right then. I sympathized the best I could. Listened to as much as this woman wanted to share with me about her precious angel. It made me think about my own girls and the relationships I have with them. My mom was a good parent, but she wasn't a very good listener. She never knew what I thought or felt most of my childhood because she got irritated too quickly at what I had to say, or she was just to busy doing her own thing. I have always made a huge effort with Isabelle and Kallie to consider their feelings and not only make sure that they are physically being taken care of, but that all of their emotional needs are met as well. Of course, like anything, there is always room for improvement. So, I got off work early today (had to work through my lunch break) picked up the girls from school and we did our usual night routine: play for a bit, dinner, dishes, bath, stories, then bed time. Normally I talk with the girls for a few minutes, then hug and kiss them good night. However tonight, I just layed in bed with them and we talked for 30 minutes. We talked about random things, funny things. Time with them is so precious. And I am so thankful that we have each other in this crazy life.

I haven't been this angry since 2005 when I decided to leave that scum bag I used to call my husband. I am anything but shocked to find myself with these emotions again. However. I am crushed since my ignorance has left me hopeful and wishing for the best. You'd think I would have learned my lesson by now.

Let me describe the most recent headache:

Stephen has a new girlfriend. She's not the brightest crayon in the box, let me tell you. She actually brought her four year old son to meet Stephen for the first time. They have been talking on myspace for two months and for some reason she thought it would be a great idea to let her son meet some man she herself had never even meet. Brilliant. Oh, yeah, and Stephen brought our daughters along as well. These people must have loaded up on their dumb pills that morning.

Anyway, so tonight, I was on my way to drop the girls off at Stephen's house. He knew we were almost there. When we arrived, I had Kallie in my arms and Isabelle was sleeping in the car. I go to knock on his door and I can hear her screams, not moaning, but screaming as he fucks her. I start banging on the door really loud to make my presence known, but do they stop? Oh no, they continue to finish. You'd think he would throw some clothes on and answer the door, but you'd be wrong. They decide a shower was a better idea. I put Kallie down and go get Isabelle. As I'm getting Isabelle out of the car, Kallie goes in. At this point, I'm so angry, my head could explode. I kiss the girls good bye, leave their bags, and drive away. This fucker has the nerve to call my dad to tell him that I broke into his house. Perfect. And I am yet again reminded of why I am not with this irresponsible, selfish, immature prick that unfortunately my children are subject to.

 Going on the third year of being a singleton. Yes, this is what I wanted for four years straight while being with an emotionally draining prick that hasn't matured past the age of a twelve year old. But I have had enough time to be on my own and discover who I really am. I have my self-esteem and self-respect back. I feel like I am ready to embrace a new relationship. Just need to find the right person for me. But in the mean time, I am doing great. I'm sure it's a good thing for my kids that I'm not in a relationship right now. They have my undivided attention when I am with them. We are always painting together, playing games, and reading stories. We have seaworld passes, so I try to make it there at least once a month. I guess I can't really complain. Life is good.

I have always heard about mothers crying when their children go off to kindergarden and just thought that the idea was absolutely obsured. Who in their right mind would cry about something like that? If anything, it's something to rejoice over. However, I must admit that within the past two weeks I think I have teard up twice just at the thought of my Isabelle starting kindergarden next week. I don't even want to think about the emotions I'm going to go through next Wednesday when I drop her off at school for the very first time. I'm sure I'll be crying all the way to work listening to her CD that she like to listen to over and over again (Disney Princess CD.) My baby's growing up full speed and I am trying to enjoy every minute of it. I took a couple days off this week so the kids and I can spend some time together. Going to the zoo today, can't wait!